World Mental Health Day
At Walt's Waltz, we believe in saying the hard stuff—the uncomfortable truths that many shy away from. Talking about mental health struggles can be awkward and difficult. Whether you’re asking for help for yourself, your child, or a loved one, the conversation often feels heavy, filled with stumbling words and awkward pauses.
You might get a call from a co-worker who fumbles through their request, awkwardly asking if you could “maybe kinda” talk to their kid about opportunities. It seems casual on the surface, but their tone carries the weight of something more—an unspoken concern about their child’s well-being.
Or, there’s the uneasy phone call from a parent of your child’s friend. They hesitate, unsure how to ask if your kids could spend time together. Beneath their words lies a worry—perhaps their child is feeling isolated or struggling, but they don’t know how to say it without making it sound like something’s wrong.
And then, there’s the person who tries to mention something more serious—maybe their spouse’s overwhelming stress, their friend’s quiet despair, or their child’s mental health—but they can’t quite find the right words. They say, “My kid could use some advice,” or, “My husband’s been off lately,” but quickly retreat, not wanting to seem dramatic. They worry about how they’ll be perceived, afraid of looking weak or overreacting.
At Walt's Waltz, we understand that these conversations are uncomfortable, but we also know they’re necessary. It’s in these difficult, fumbling moments that we start to break the stigma, to open up about the things that truly matter. Because the struggle to ask for help should never keep someone from getting the support they need.
The Complexity of Mental Health: A Multifaceted Perspective
The Complexity of Mental Health: A Multifaceted Perspective
Mental health is indeed a complex field, influenced by an intricate web of emotional, psychological, genetic, and social factors. Understanding mental health requires considering how we think, feel, and behave, and recognizing that each person’s experience is unique. The factors that shape mental health include genetic predispositions, environmental stressors, life experiences, societal influences, and more. This complexity underscores the need for holistic approaches combining education, support systems, therapy, and societal change to improve mental well-being.
Genetic and Epigenetic Factors
Genetic Factors: Genetic predispositions play a significant role in mental health. Certain genes can increase the likelihood of developing conditions such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia. Heritability studies show that while genetics contribute to susceptibility, they interact with environmental factors to influence mental health. However, genetics alone do not determine mental health outcomes.
Epigenetic Factors: Epigenetics involves changes in gene expression caused by external or environmental factors, rather than alterations in the DNA sequence itself. Stress, trauma, diet, and exposure to toxins can affect how genes are "turned on" or "off." For instance, childhood trauma may activate genes that make someone more vulnerable to mental health conditions later in life, even if they have no strong genetic predisposition. This interplay between genetics and environmental factors adds a layer of complexity to understanding and treating mental health disorders.
Treatment Resistance
Treatment resistance complicates the mental health landscape further. This phenomenon occurs when individuals do not respond to standard treatments for mental health conditions, such as medications or therapy. Factors contributing to treatment resistance include:
Genetic Variations: Differences in individual genetics can affect drug metabolism and brain responses, influencing the effectiveness and side effects of medications.
Epigenetic Factors: Changes in gene expression influenced by environmental factors can impact treatment outcomes. Chronic stress or trauma may alter brain chemistry and receptor sensitivity, making standard treatments less effective.
Biological Factors: Some mental health conditions have biological underpinnings that resist current treatments, with certain neurobiological abnormalities not responding well to existing therapies.
Psychosocial Factors: Ongoing stress, trauma, social support, and life circumstances can affect treatment efficacy. Unaddressed psychosocial issues can hinder progress.
Medication Non-Adherence: Resistance may stem from difficulties in adhering to medication regimens due to side effects, lack of insight into the condition, or personal beliefs about the treatment.
Co-occurring Conditions: The presence of other mental health disorders or chronic illnesses can complicate treatment, making remission or symptom control more challenging.
Additional Influences on Mental Health
Sleep Disturbances: Poor sleep quality or sleep deprivation can significantly impact mental health, contributing to issues like anxiety, depression, and impaired cognitive function. Chronic sleep disturbances can exacerbate existing conditions and hinder recovery.
Societal Stressors: The pressures of modern life, including multitasking and high demands, can lead to increased stress and impact mental well-being. The constant need to juggle multiple responsibilities and stay connected can contribute to feelings of overwhelm and burnout.
Personality Traits: Certain personality types, such as highly sensitive individuals, may experience emotional stimuli more intensely, impacting their mental health. Highly sensitive people often have heightened reactions to stressors and may require tailored support to manage their unique challenges.
Overlapping Symptoms: Mental health conditions often have overlapping symptoms, making diagnosis and treatment more challenging. For instance, symptoms of anxiety and depression frequently intersect, complicating the process of identifying the underlying issue and finding effective treatments.
The Need for a Holistic Approach
To effectively address the complexity of mental health, a holistic approach is essential. This approach should encompass various factors and strategies, including:
Genetic and Epigenetic Research: A comprehensive approach to mental health must integrate research into genetic and epigenetic factors. Understanding how genetic predispositions and epigenetic modifications interact with environmental influences can lead to more effective, personalized treatments. Increased funding for this research is crucial to uncover the mechanisms behind mental health conditions and develop targeted therapies that address individual needs.
Education on Mental Health Conditions: There is a need for increased education on mental health conditions, not only for students but for society as a whole. Enhancing understanding of mental health conditions, their origins, and the various influencing factors can help combat prejudice, bias, and assumptions rooted in a lack of knowledge and embedded stigma. Education should focus on dispelling myths, promoting empathy, and providing accurate information about mental health.
Equating Mental and Physical Health: Society must push for a shift in how mental and physical health are viewed. Recognizing them as equally important and interconnected can help reduce stigma and improve access to comprehensive care. This includes integrating mental health services into general healthcare settings and ensuring that mental health is given the same priority as physical health.
Eliminating Parent Blaming: It is essential to move away from attributing mental health issues solely to parenting. While upbringing can influence mental health, it is only one of many factors. Blaming parents oversimplifies the issue and disregards the broader array of genetic, environmental, social, and biological influences that contribute to mental health conditions.
Addressing Sleep Disturbances: Sleep disturbances, such as sleep deprivation or poor sleep quality, significantly impact mental health. Chronic sleep issues can exacerbate conditions like anxiety and depression and hinder overall well-being. A holistic approach should include strategies to address and manage sleep health as a critical component of mental health care.
Managing Societal Stressors: The pressures of modern life, including multitasking and high demands, contribute to increased stress levels. This societal stress can negatively affect mental health, leading to burnout and other issues. Addressing these stressors through supportive workplace practices, work-life balance, and stress management techniques is crucial.
Understanding Personality Traits: Personality traits, such as being a highly sensitive person, can influence how individuals experience and cope with mental health challenges. A holistic approach should consider these traits and tailor support to meet the unique needs of individuals with different personality profiles.
Recognizing Overlapping Symptoms: Mental health conditions often have overlapping symptoms, making diagnosis and treatment more complex. For instance, symptoms of anxiety and depression frequently intersect, complicating the identification and management of specific conditions. A nuanced approach that considers these overlaps can improve diagnostic accuracy and treatment effectiveness.
By incorporating these factors into a holistic approach, we can better understand and address the multifaceted nature of mental health. This comprehensive strategy will enhance support for individuals and promote a more informed and compassionate society.
No More wishes . . .
I have always loved dandelions. Over 20 years ago, I wrote a song titled, No More Wishes. My son, Walt, revised the lyrics a bit, and he came up with his own melody. He accompanied me on his guitar and joined in the refrains. I kept messing up the rhythm, but in his gentle way, he would smile and say alright, come on now clapping out the beat. He even got out our old metronome - not the electronic version - and took my hand tapping out the beat - tic, tic, tic. I have trouble following a lead. I carried a note too long - it somehow felt right. My boys nicknamed me donkey if that tells you anything. Well, yes, Walt was patient, and I finally could follow his lead. As I have said so many times, Walt was my teacher.
Sadly, no, wrong word, when you lose a child it feels like a tragedy, this film was accidently recorded over. Goodness, of all films, but I do have a few, short tape recordings.
After Walt died, this song held more more meaning - The Refrain - No more wishes, No more dreams, No more yellow dotted green, No more hopes carried by breath or breeze, No more dandelions in spring . . .
At the celebration at First Frist of our first Walt's Waltz Stigma-Free Zone at Greenville Center for Creative Arts, Lana, a previous student of both of ours, was our featured singer/songwriter. I had asked if she would take our song and make it her own. So, it was the song's debut. Fittingly, Lana, changed the melody to 3/4 time - a Waltz.
I just wanted to share. Enjoy. https://youtu.be/YGu_qP3dnCY Always grateful for Lana. Grateful for those highly sensitive people as they navigate this world. We hope this information helps. https://www.waltswaltz.com/highly-sensitive
Just thought this was so beautiful, I had to share . . .
Robin Williams Interviews - truly beautiful
Lightly
Life's lessons. As a visual arts teacher, I used to tell my students to sketch lightly. As a daughter, my mom would always tell me to "lighten up". As a mom, I wish I had been better at modeling this. As the founder of Walt's Waltz, I understand how my genetics made lightening up sometimes quite difficult as my anxiety would take the reigns. I wish I had better understood . . .
Mental health is complicated. Genetic research is an important way we can understand our nature and tendencies. As a human being getting ready to turn 61, refection can be oh so difficult, but I hope what I am better understanding and our work will help others.
"It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days… Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me…So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling…"
Aldous Huxley - Island
With gratitude, hope, and love,
susan
What does loneliness look like to you?
Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” ~ Carl Gustav Jung
“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. “ ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
“being alone never felt right. sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right.” ~ Charles Bukowski, Women
“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” ~ Mother Teresa
“When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone.” ~ Fiona Apple
“ Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.” Janet Fitch, White Oleander
“I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me.” ~ Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
For Me, Deep Grief Takes a Back Seat to Guilt
Deep grief for me is a pit, dismal, black with seemingly no way out, but often I don’t make it there because I get swallowed by Guilt.
I sometimes need to rant, I sometimes need to cry and wail. I often need to explain again and again my regrets, my shame, my self hate . . .
My mind is creative, and I am a problem solver. I keep putting the pieces together so different outcomes appear. In the end, it's always my face who is the responsible person. Of course, I would not place a finger of blame on one who has lost a loved one, but I am stuck in guilt.
We understand learning to live with grief is a process. Coupled with guilt is an added complication. In my life guilt has been my constant companion. Although some blame one's upraising, religion, partners . . . Through my search for answers, I have found some of my mind patterns involve genetics-epigenetics-SNPs. Yes, this research is in it's infancy, but my hope is that with more funding, we will better understand ourselves and others. Some folks may state they don't believe this, but I imagine most understand the basic ideas behind heredity which is genetics:-).
Walt's Waltz Interview Series: Toxic Masculinity
Toxic Masculinity - Community, Friendship, Companionship, Culture
Walt's Waltz Interview Series - COVID 19 and Mental Health
Take al listen to our interview on COVID 19 and Mental Health.
What been happening in our culture?
Voices in My Head
Written By Lindsay Niedringhaus
The noise in my car was loud. I wanted to cover my ears, but I was driving 80 mph down I-85, so instead I reached for the power button on my car stereo to turn off the music. However, as I hit the power button, the radio came on instead of off. That’s when it hit me:
The noise wasn’t from my car. It was in my mind.
So I rolled down the window. The blast of cold air hit my face and my hair whipped around my head, creating a powerful physical reality that quieted my mental one for a bit. The icy air forced me to take a deep breath, and the goosebumps that lined my arms drew my attention to my skin—goosebumps I could grasp at the moment; thoughts I could not.
I’ve had voices in my head for as long as I can remember. Sometimes it’s my own voice, ticking through my to-do list, cautioning me not to forget things. But often times, it’s other voices from my life. When I have my fingers in the dirt, for example, I can distinctly hear my mom instructing, “Just a little deeper. Careful of the roots. Okay, now gently pat the potting soil around this little guy so he feels comfortable.” When I feel myself stressing over a situation, I hear my college mentor, Harry Shucker, gently saying with a smile on his face, “Now Lindsay, take a deep breath. You’re a perfectionist and a people-pleaser. And you can’t please everyone perfectly.” When I’m writing a marketing estimate or thinking through business decisions, I hear my boss from Furman’s Marketing Office, Mark Kelly: “Did you really mean to use the word ‘comprised’ here? Now let’s think through their reaction when they see this. I would caution against your overusing the phrase ‘truly believe.’ Don’t assume your audience doesn’t trust you.”
Am I crazy? Perhaps. I’ve always assumed everyone else hears these voices, but maybe they don’t. I’ve really never asked. If this is something unique to me, I would assume it comes from my practice of writing. I’ve always rolled conversations over and over in my head, feeling the words bounce off my tongue and wind through my mind. It could be days, weeks, or even years later, and something reminds me of a sentence someone said to me at some point in my life. I’ve also found I have a nervous habit of spelling words in my head. The other night it was “convalescent.” So as I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep, I was tapping my teeth to “c-o-n-v-a-l-e-s-c-e-n-t.” Sometimes I’ll also tap my fingers to the keys on the keyboard as if I’m typing it. Yep, I’m a weirdo.
My point in admitting my voices and my tappings, my spellings and my repeatings, is that I’ve realized from years of journaling and therapy that for whatever reason, my mind can become loud. Sometimes it’s a happy loud, sometimes it’s an anxious loud, and sometimes it’s an angry loud; but for the most part, it’s always loud. And that loudness can feel neverending and overwhelming.
my view from the driveway
One of my favorite podcasts I’ve ever heard was from Brene Brown’s Unlocking Us, in which she interviews Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., and Amelia Nagoski, D.M.A. The sisters wrote a book called Burnout, which details how culture and life cause us to live in a perpetual state of exhaustion. During the podcast, the sisters explain that emotions are cycles in our bodies that have beginnings, middles, and ends, but many times we get stuck in the middle, which causes burnout. This “stuckness” comes from constantly being exposed to new external factors that never signify to our bodies that we’re actually out of the stressor. Yep, you heard that right—we may mentally know the stressor is gone, but our bodies don’t necessarily know because they’re being hit with even more stressors. And as much as we think we are in control of our bodies, we aren’t, so we can’t think our way out of being stressed. Instead, the Nagoskis say the best thing we can do for ourselves is any sort of physical activity that then tells our bodies the stressor is gone. This is one reason exercise is so good for us. When the exercise is done, the body lets go of the stressor.
I could go into a 15-page essay about how our bodies process emotions, stressors, and life in general, but for now, do yourself a favor and know that if your voices get too loud, signal to your body that the stressor is gone by doing something physical.
For me, that physical signal is running or hot yoga. Lately since working from home, it also comes in the form of lying on my driveway. Not kidding. If I’m feeling overwhelmed with Zooms and texts and social media DMs, I walk out my back door and lie down in the sun. Something about the heat on my skin, the smell of the nearby grass, and my 14-year-old lab panting down at me like I’m a crazy person all lift me out of my head, help the voices to fade, and bring me back to the here and now. So next time you drive by my house and see me lying on the concrete, I’m not dead. I’m just telling my body to chill.
https://www.createwithlindsay.com/blog/the-voices-in-my-head
Inflammation and Suicide
Posted by merisig123@gmail.com
In looking at the biological factors involved in suicide, inflammation and inflammatory conditions such as traumatic brain injuries, autoimmune disorders, and neuropsychiatric symptoms are only beginning to be explored.
Familial transmission and early life adversity (ELA) are distant causes, associated with suicide risk. Family history of suicidal behavior has been identified as a risk as well as substance abuse.
Mounting evidence shows the immune system as important in the pathophysiology of suicidality. The potential triggers of suicidal behavior include various inflammatory conditions (TBI, vitamin deficiency, autoimmune disorders, and infections), which, through raised levels of inflammation, can cause cause significant problems for individuals. These neurobiological effects might cause profound changes in emotion and behavior, which could ultimately lead to suicide in vulnerable individuals. Many more studies are needed.
For more information, see complete article:
Role of Inflammation in Suicide: From Mechanisms to Treatment
https://www.waltswaltz.com/disclaimer
Read more of Meri’s Blog postings here: https://sciencebehindsuicideandmentalhealthconditions.com/
Diseases of the Mind and Suicide - a new blogsite
Diseases of the Mind and Suicide
For far too long, we have been placing our minds on the back burner. Science has sped along, figuring out causes and cures for many “physical ” illnesses and diseases. This is a wonderful thing. We now have sound treatments for heart diseases, kidney disease, cancer, and many other physical conditions. However, we have left the one organ out that controls all of the other organs. This is the brain. I’m not speaking about treating brain tumors and other “physical” conditions. I’m speaking of something far more elusive; the mind.
Much has been talked about in the realm of situational and environmental causes for mind, or if you will, mental illnesses. However, not much has been shed on the biological nature and genetic causes for these conditions. In this blog, I will explore the science behind diseases of the mind and suicide.
The question is not why we are looking into these diseases. It’s why has it taken us so long to do so?
Busy . . . but taking a moment to write
I saw a post today on Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s FB board. Memories flooded. Oh, how we loved this man and his work. I started to write and am posting this as a start which will become a more valuable post. Only posting because it serves as a reminder that even if the particular moment is not right, write. This message, this moment of mind is here, put down what you can and come back to it.
My son loved the stars. When he was young, I sometimes would take him to my Astronomy class. In place of my normal front row seat, I attempted to sneak him into the back. Walt sat quietly his eyes fixed on the professor. My, well actually, our professor would smile. As he saw the interest in my son’s eyes and already knew mine, beckoned us to join come closer, so my son sat with me front row. We were the only ones:-) On one occasion our class was invited to use the powerful telescope which adorned the top of our building. My professor graciously allowed Walt to join us. He was 3 years old, but it made an impression. My son was brilliant - Mensa. He loved learning. He studied economics and philosophy. He was, well he still is a teacher. My son could name every constellation, and we would call each other about a particular phase of the moon or if a planet especially brilliant. He took me on night hikes our only lumina, the moon. I almost bought a $200 telescope at a garage sale. Were were going to go to Flat Rock and look at the stars . . . My son lived with treatment anxiety. Walt was the strongest yet most gentle, humble man I have ever known. Walt died from this condition. Even the strongest among us can only take little sleep and a constant barrage of fight or flight for so long.
I hope you could take a minute to learn about him. Oh, we lost a pure light folks, and yet it seems we keep dancing around this topic. I hope you will join us. waltswaltz.com Here is a but a spark about my son, this Renaissance man’s life. https://readymag.com/u83569656/2175486/12/
Walt's Waltz by Susan Crooks - Fete Greenville Article
We wanted to share our article published on September 16, 2020 by Fete Greenville.
Who is Feeding Whom?
Today I Fed a Butterfly as a Friend and a butterFly Fed my Soul - July 28
It was 4:09 pm when I called my dear friend. Oh, time, time goes so quickly. I am reminded of this more intensely these days that I felt the time was right on my side of the line to call. Although met with a recording, her voice took me back, and my heart was full. As I was hanging up, I could hear her answer. Immediately my phone rang, 1:09 her time:-)
Ingrid and I have been friends since our boys were babies. You know how it goes, some people enter your life like a meteor and fade with time while others seem to become a part of you. Her voice soothed like the gentle rhythm of a rocker. I felt whole again.
You see, today had been one of those days. Days where the guilt and grief feel unbearable. One of those days I’d like to stay in bed under my weighted blanket. Sure, I tell myself, one day in bed wouldn’t hurt, but on these days, I don’t want a just a day.
I headed to my covered porch for this long overdue conversation. A quick shower had tempered the heat and humidity. I got comfy, and the catching up began. I found out the latest happenings with each of her three children as well she of my son. In a blink, the conversation turned to inconsolable sobs. As Ingrid gently reminded me that she knows me, and that she knows what kind of mom I was, a butterfly lit upon our porch. I began to breath as tears and talk provide relief. We talked and talked and the butterfly flitted about even sitting on my hand for a moment. Ingrid and I said our goodbyes promising to get together soon, but the butterfly remained.
I have always had a love of butterflies since childhood. As I grew older, I began to feel their symbolic significance. And although the rational side of me smirks at myself, my heart and soul choose to believe they are a sign of hope. Kinda like an I’m okay.
This particular butterfly decided to stay with me as I choose to stay with him. I sat for and watched him fly about. He paced about my porch searching for something. My rational mind thought, maybe this butterfly was dying. I used my phone to read all about butterflies, how long they can live, how frail they are, how often they die of starvation. Next thing you know I am looking up how to fed a butterfly.
The sites visited agreed 15% sugar solution. I read that if the butterfly was inactive to gently pick up the butterfly by its wings and sit it on a sponge soaked in this solution. Well, this butterfly was much to energetic for that. So I made my mixture and poured spots of sugar water around my porch along with a sponge soaked in the solution. I waited. I waited. I waited.
Well, the butterfly kept missing the spots. I ran back in and mixed more of the sugary solution. When the butterfly lit near me, I tried to pour some of the mixture near him, but he quickly flitted away. Still I waited snapping pictures of this beautiful Red-spotted Purple Admiral (Limenitis arthemis)
Breathtaking. I sat, snapped, and sat some more. A hummingbird flew by but unlike the butterfly, was gone in a breath.
I sat and sat and suddenly, the butterfly moved close to the sponge. It’s long tongue (proboscis - it's like a straw) sucking up the little path toward it. He actually stuck his tongue into the sponge for a bit then began following the trail of sugary treat that lead to puddle of this sugary delight. The feeding continued on and off until, he seemed to have his fill. Then this beautiful creature flew away. I waited but he did not return.
Oh, the simple signs that we gravitate toward when we have a loss. Who is to say if we go with our head or our hearts? Well, I looked up symbolic meaning of butterflies, one of them was to lighten up. This is what my mom always told Walt and I.
As the sun begins to set, I run out again to the porch, but find no trace of this beautiful creature. Fly away into another day of life. This fragile life that can be gone just as quickly as the setting son.
I smiled as I began to step into my house. Laughing, thinking I should maybe call this piece Today I Fed 10,000 Ants😊
My Second Visitor - One with Tattered Wings - August 30
Surprised with another beautiful butterfly who stopped to greet me on his travels This one with tattered wings. I plucked a fuchsia blossom and made haste to mix the human nectar.
Sugar jar already on the counter - it's rare for I drink my coffee black and seldom have use for the refined white crystal.I had decided to surprise my son with his favorite, homemade chocolate chip cookies. As I mixed the dough, I felt the the pull of both joy and sorrow. Joy for my son's senses to be awakened by the sugary delight - you know the aroma, the texture, the chocolaty gooeyness, - saddened for his big brother will not be here to say to his brother, “Okay, I’m having just one more,” sometimes adding, “More reps this week at the gym, Will.” I look at the pool of egg whites resting in the bowl, leftovers form the bake, knowing those would have been whipped into a meringue, Walt's and my favorite. The juxtaposition of pain and joy is a welcome alternative to the singular.
Back to the kitchen, glass, teaspoon water, sugar - back for the blossom - stirring the sugary solution sloshing in a rhythm as I hurried back to my hungry visitor.
Dipping the blossom into the glass, I slowly placed this dripping fuchsia treat near to the, dare I say it? The Hungry Butterfly - not a Caterpillar anymore.
The butterfly began to sip and I began to snap and snap.
So, as my son enjoyed one more cookie, I smiled at knowing I fed another sugary delight to a tired tattered traveler. Perhaps, this sustenance allowed this beautiful creature another day. I hope so.
~susan fischer crooks
*Visit our Gallery for those captured snaps.
Chasing Butterflies
“Chasing Butterflies”
Smooth wooden handle
Netting tattered, frayed
Flick er ing candle
Fleeting sun-touched ray
Wings golden honey
Lucent not opaque
Flutter toward sunny
Shadows on the lake
Step into frigid
Useless net in hand
Body cold rigid
Hour glass missing sand
Mason jar open
Tempting sugar treat
Praying an hope’ in
Come in take a seat
Wait, he is coming
Ready with my net
Swish, miss it’s numbing
I begin to fret
Run around around
Too soon out of breadth
Nowhere to be found
Left with only death
Sit sob primal scream
Exhausted, now breathe
Feel his gentle beam
His light does not leave
Whispers soft spoken
Smiles his gently way
You are not broken
Believe when I say
Our minds are entwined
Our footsteps in sync
Our paths are aligned
Our lives ever linked
Look for the starfish
Lying on the shore
Stars without a wish
Hopeless, tattered, tore
Come ‘on get moving
We have lives to save
Walt’s Waltz’s is grooving
Three beats on a stave
So this is my answer
Echoes to my heart
Butterfly dancer
You’re my light in dark
~ susan fischer crooks
My Words for My Gentle Son, Walt
“Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment.”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Dear, kind, loving family and friends,
I know that your heart is breaking . . . (PAUSE)
Awe, we humans know so well the physical – our loved ones touch, their smell, their sight, their feel, their voice – but oh, we are much more than that dear friends. My wise loving Will has reminded us that we are the light we have shared that others chose to carry in them. They can become part of who we are.
Walt’s life was a lesson of love that we need to carry on. In this way, we can move forward one of Walt’s great missions here, to help relieve suffering. Like other great spiritual leaders, but in his humble quiet fashion, Walt lit the path for us to help create a more compassionate, loving world, through his tireless loving examples of how to treat each met on your path. (Pause)
Again, Our Walt, gentle, kind, compassionate, intelligent, patient, humble is still here with us. Let’s take a moment to think back on a beautiful moment you shared . . . PAUSE
See, yes, he is here.
How blessed, how fortunate, how honored I am to have this teacher call me Mom.
When I need inspiration, when I need questions answered, when I am in the darkness, Will reminds me that Walt is there. He is in each of us if we choose to keep his light alive. Oh folks, this can be a difficult task. There will be times you will have to fight for the light. Come the winds of doubt, of ego, of hate you will have to shield against. Come torrential rains of greed and want. Shield his flame for it is our way to move forward his mission of love, his mission to reduce suffering, his mission to move humanity forward.
Walt’s light illuminates a path of love and compassion for others. His daily work is to reduce suffering
I would like to share a few of my countless examples of this beautiful soul.
Walt is my son, work buddy, fellow scholar, study buddy, co-presenter, and my best friend. I have yet to hear someone’s description of Walt not include gentle. Walt was born with this gentle spirit.
In 8th grade, his basketball team and fellow classmates called him the gentle giant. Even as a child, as we sat beside our neighborhood pond, birds, rabbits, squirrels would seem to come from nowhere and sit with us. I lovingly called him, St Francis.
Walt is an old soul. I would bow and say smiling, “You are my teacher.”
Again as Will reminds us, Walt lives in us. We honor him by living his lessons so patiently taught. Never an unkind word from his lips for others, never. He sees the good in all he meets following is daily mantra to reduce suffering and bring others ease an ease not known to himself for he was a painbody.
As you now know, Walt lived with treatment resistant anxiety and depression for over 20 years. As we know this disease, for many, still has no cure. The past 10 years were very difficult for Walt but the last few years became well . . . (PAUSE)
But the thing is, most people had no idea of his bodily and mental pain. Walt with intention hid it well.
His kind smile lights others darkness. Walt has a way of calming folks with his presence. For example, during state testing, which is ridiculously stressful, Walt was our site lead and his nick name was “the calmer” because he kept everyone at ease.
At work, Walt was the go-to man for any help, any time. You, friends, have shared countless stories with this similar theme: No matter the question, no matter if he was swamped and exhausted, Walt would stop everything and take as much time as needed to create a solution for you. There was never a stupid question, there was never a feeling that anyone was troubling him at all because he genuinely was happy to help.
Yes, Walt was born with a gentle spirit. I remember holding him in my arms, my beautiful baby, by sweet boy.
Time to smile, a sort story, when I finally became pregnant and told Walt he said, well, I will take a baby brother but not a sister. Walt got his wish and my dream were fulfilled. My son would have a life-long companion. As you heard, my boys, Will and Walt are best friends. So much love, so much love.
My loving boys seemed to never tire of my presence. They have taken me caving, rock climbing, bouldering, boogie boarding, roller blading, hiking, mountain biking, lake swimming, paddle boarding . . . They take me to lectures, concerts, movies, shared podcasts, poems and always, always gather around our table for our table with their loved one for our weekly Sunday dinner even bringing their beautiful friends to join us. What an honor.
Now if you know me, I can be so embarrassing, my voice, my emotions, but my boys are always proud of me and always told me they loved me. Just recently on our drive to Columbia for our work meeting Walt after another night of no sleep allowed me to drive. When he woke, I told him that I made some peanut sandwiches and brought green apples. He looked me with such love and said, Mom you are the nicest person I have ever known. Of course I shook my head no, and he said no, really, you really are. There is no one like you, Mom. TEARS. Oh, my beautiful boy. What a gift.
Will reminds me how lucky we are to have so many memories. Our lives forever entwined.
Okay Walt is saying Mom, maybe share other stories at the reception. Awwe, his voice. I smile. Yes, but there is just so much, so I proceed as usual and Walt smiles lovingly as always.
I just have a few things to share that some may not know. Walt and I are part of the oldest Critical Thinking Tank in the World. Our beautiful administration supported our attendance. After attending our first conference years ago, I knew we had found Walt’s intellectual circle. You know his peeps.
Walt and I presented at countless conferences with our developing theory of the pairing of Mindfulness and Critical Thinking. We also presented 3 lectures at ICOT 18. An international thinking community based out of Harvard.
Walt and I have been participating in weekly Socratic discussions with a small group of CT Fellows developing our online Critical Thinking platform. Walt was seen as one that would carry on the work one the Foundation when Linda Elder and Gerald Nosich passed. Linda enjoyed their deep discussions that were of course above my comprehension, but I was included in this elite group of thinkers. These were his people. The mission of the Foundation for Critical Thinking is to develop the intellectual traits in others through simple teaching strategies. Some of these traits include intellectual humility, intellectual empathy, confidence in reason and of course fair-mindedness. (Sound like someone you know?) SMILE
Most don’t know that Walt and I were to travel to Hong Kong to teach Critical Thinking on Saturday and a number of evenings for 9 weeks this fall. We were to teach middle- high school students, their parents, and also had appointments to share our Critical Thinking work with dignitaries from Hong Kong. In fact our material to share just arrived. (PAUSE) With such political unrest, there is such a need for our enlightened mission.
Walt and I are a great team of presenters. I brought excitement and hugs and Walt brought calm and intelligence. I know it is time to stop, but a mama needs 2 more minutes of your time.
At our first CT conference in Berkeley among educational dignitaries from 60 nations, the military, and countless professors, Dan Elsberg, who wrote the Pentagon Papers, was our keynote speaker. Dan said that he posed this question before every lecture. If you do not know, one of Elsbergs’ missions was to educate the world on the dangers of nuclear war.
After asking his question only two hands in the auditorium were up, our CT Fellow Gerald Nosich and Walt’s. Dan chose the young handsome guy engaged and leaning forward. As Will would say, wait for it, wait for it, and then bam! Walt spewed out his response to this complicated question into words even I could digest. And when Walt finished, Dan smiled and said, Well, this is the first time anyone has been able to answer this question, and Walt you answered it in such detail, that I really have nothing else to add. Oh, a mother’s pride, tears flowing . . .
PAUSE
So thank you for your ear, thank you for loving our beautiful Walt, please carry his light on your path for our world desperately needs Walt’s light. Know I love each of you and so does Walt, know that my Will and Walt have my back ALWAYS. I have Walt’s and Will’s strength coursing through my being, and I will protect his light with each heartbeat.