For Me, Deep Grief Takes a Back Seat to Guilt

Deep grief for me is a pit, dismal, black with seemingly no way out, but often I don’t make it there because I get swallowed by Guilt.

I sometimes need to rant, I sometimes need to cry and wail. I often need to explain again and again my regrets, my shame, my self hate . . .

My mind is creative, and I am a problem solver. I keep putting the pieces together so different outcomes appear. In the end, it's always my face who is the responsible person. Of course, I would not place a finger of blame on one who has lost a loved one, but I am stuck in guilt.

We understand learning to live with grief is a process. Coupled with guilt is an added complication. In my life guilt has been my constant companion. Although some blame one's upraising, religion, partners . . . Through my search for answers, I have found some of my mind patterns involve genetics-epigenetics-SNPs. Yes, this research is in it's infancy, but my hope is that with more funding, we will better understand ourselves and others. Some folks may state they don't believe this, but I imagine most understand the basic ideas behind heredity which is genetics:-).