Three Ways Highly Sensitive Men Can Practice Better Self-Care
3 Ways Highly Sensitive Men Can Practice Good Self-Care
Highly sensitive men, or men who embody the personality trait, sensory processing sensitivity, face numerous challenges in life that can dramatically alter mental health. In this brief post, we will look at just three ways we should be mindful of the often overlooked, yet crucial aspects of mental health that we can all put into practice right away: our bodily, social, and spiritual needs.
Sensory processing sensitivity is a personality trait that exists in about 15-20% of the world’s population. The trait is neutral in and of itself, meaning being highly sensitive does not necessarily lead to anything in particular. The nature of the trait does however predispose us in certain ways to excessive thinking and worrying, which can lead to rumination, an unhealthy state of mind where dwelling on past events, failures, and fear consume mental space to such a degree as to displace normal functioning. Let’s look at each of the four core aspects of sensory processing sensitivity:
- Depth of processing. Highly sensitive men spend more time processing everything that they take in through the senses. They do not have special senses in any way but do more thoroughly process experiences than in less sensitive people. This extensive processing has obvious advantages in problem solving but may also lead us to focus on extraneous issues to an unwarranted degree if we are not mindful of how our trait works. Deep thinking can also be a disadvantage when quick thinking and action are called for. As a normal part of the overall survival strategy for the species, 15-20% are deeper thinkers and naturally more cautious and careful.
- Overstimulation in certain highly individualized circumstances. It is extremely important to not lump all highly sensitive men together into a homogenous category because no two are like. Some will be bothered by strong smells, bright lights, or itchy fabrics or tags, while others will prefer stronger lighting, be fairly oblivious to smells or other stimuli. Part of this is the reality that many highly sensitive men learn to ignore a great deal of stimuli as they conform to the culture around them. This is a positive and a negative, since conformity can lead to a denial of who we are at our core. Many men feel strongly out of touch with the prevailing notion of masculinity as dominant, aggressive, ultra-competitive, and shallow. Overstimulation may lead many highly sensitive men to develop a feeling of self-loathing as well as they desperately wish they were less affected by certain issues.
- High empathy and emotional responsiveness. Being someone who experiences strong, quick emotions almost automatically puts us more in touch with the experiences of other people. Empathy is a trait in and of itself where we are able to enter the experiences of other people as if they were our own. Highly sensitive men may be highly empathetic and feel the affective emotional states of other people much more than they would like. Similarly, highly sensitive men also possess a broader emotional range comprising a wider spectrum of feelings, emotions, and possibilities. This rich emotional depth and life can be quite challenging to manage in a madly rushing and increasingly divided population.
- Sensitivity to subtle cues. Highly sensitive men may be keenly aware of subtleties that less sensitive people overlook or miss altogether. For example, one study found that highly sensitive people spend more time scanning visual scenes and noticing fine distinctions in detail. They may also be more aware of subtle smells, emotions, and other clues that may provide valuable information and insights.
Taken as a whole, the four D.O.E.S. aspects of sensory processing sensitivity constitute a finely tuned nervous system that is continually absorbing inputs from the environment, both natural and social, subtle and obvious, inner and outer. This stream of input can be quite taxing for many highly sensitive people and they find themselves feeling frazzled and needing to withdraw to allow their nervous system to settle in quiet. They may avoid situations where they know they will feel overwhelmed and exhausted, but many will engage in them anyway as a matter of career, family, or other commitments that demand more socialization than may be comfortable or sustainable.
This depletion of energies can lead to burnout and exhaustion if not managed well. This leads us to the three ways highly sensitive men can dramatically improve their level of self-care and enjoy greater balance in life. Highly sensitive men often do not practice good self-care and suffer as a result with health issues, fatigue, anxiety, and depression. When one’s life is stacked in such a way as to be unsustainable and the way forward does not seem apparent life can be a tremendous challenge to navigate.
1 – Bodily needs.
Highly sensitive men need to be mindful of diet, hydration, exercise, and sleep. Diet can dramatically affect our mental acuity, our ability to sleep well, and our physical health. Though there are numerous “diets” out there, the consensus seems to be on emphasizing whole foods that are less refined, with less sugars (and things that act like sugar in the body), less grains, and less refined oils. I have personally had good luck with the Ketogenic way of eating combined with intermittent fasting. The latter is especially important to maintaining lower overall blood sugar levels to avoid becoming diabetics. Type 2 diabetes is epidemic in the US and can be largely tied to unhealthy eating habits such as excessive carbohydrate consumption and sugar intake. Experiment with reducing food categories one by one and see what effects it has for your health; you might be surprised!
Hydration is also a key factor in taking care of our bodily needs. Too many of us are underhydrated and do not even know it or drink things that wreck our health like sugared sodas or other drinks. Water and flavored waters can be exactly what our bodies need to function well. Being over 65% water, our bodies maintain numerous processes through adequate hydration. We should be sipping water throughout the day and avoiding any point where we feel thirsty.
Exercise as well is often overlooked as men are busy rushing around in their daily lives. Finding time to walk, run, bike, or swim can seem impossible yet if not done consistently will result in lessened vitality and health over time. Our bodies will atrophy, and we will lose muscle mass and tone the less we move. Our bodies are designed for movement and a lot of it! Movement is tied to maintaining all of our bodily processes at an optimum level and highly sensitive men should plan to do exercise that increases their heart rates and breathing to at least a moderate level 3-5 times a week. Of course, do what is sustainable for you and don’t push yourself to the point of injury. It is about long-term sustainable movement, not suddenly running a marathon. Getting adequate movement will greatly improve mental health as well by increasing dopamine (the feel-good hormone in the brain), reducing overall inflammation, and exposing the body to fresh air and sunlight. Do what is sustainable and interesting for you but do start now…
Sleep is the underpinning of all good mental health and highly sensitive men may need more sleep than less sensitive men due to the greater energetic expenditures required to process an increased intake of stimulation on a daily basis. Too many people are sleep deprived and suffer great difficulties in focusing, having enough energy to get through each day, and feeling healthy and rested. In many cases, diet is directly tied to why we may not sleep well as excess sugar and carbohydrate consumption can lead to lower quality sleep. Adjusting diet can lead to better sleep; the kind of sleep your body desperately needs.
2- Social Needs.
About 70% of highly sensitive men are introverted, while about 30% are extroverted. About 30% of highly sensitive men are also high in a separate trait called sensation seeking. When examining our social needs, many highly sensitive men may feel as if they already get too much socialization through their careers or personal lives, but the deciding factor is if those interactions are quality energetic exchanges between people or are simply draining. Extroverted highly sensitive men may have a higher need for interaction but may be just as overwhelmed in time by too many people, too much noise, or simply through exhaustion at high energy events and situations. Introverted highly sensitive men may prefer the domain of their own minds to process reality but they also need high quality interactions with at least one other person.
Our social needs may vary as sensitive people but knowing who we should choose to spend our time with and for how long becomes key to satisfying our social needs for community and belonging. Socially, many highly sensitive men may feel awkward or feel socially anxious, depending on their backgrounds. Many may have overcome social anxiety, shyness, or low self-esteem but many still suffer with self-defeating self-talk and excessive worrying about how they are viewed by others. Learning to successfully navigate having a balanced social life, one that meets our needs for connection, community, and collaboration, can go a long way toward promoting our overall well-functioning.
3- Spiritual Needs.
Highly sensitive men, as people who think and feel more deeply than less sensitive men, are, by nature, given to seeking the deeper implications and meanings of life. Religion should be considered separate from the search for spirituality, since religion is a total institution with immutable rules, dogma, and social control mechanisms. In a sense, it seems counter intuitive to seek spirituality through religion. The spirituality many highly sensitive men cultivate and seek is grounded in a need to find meaning in existence, to understand the nature of life and the universe and our place in it, and to consider how we might live in ways that do no harm to others, while promoting a greater sense of peace, equality, and harmony for our world.
Fulfilling our needs to seek deeper meaning, greater connection, and worthwhile lives may seem elusive but the vast depth and breadth of possible ways of being as a highly sensitive man means we are only limited by our worldview and willingness to work to make something new happen. Some highly sensitive men will find solace and space in mediation or prayer, while others will seek spirituality in nature or through practices that ground them as one and the same as the universe itself.
Highly sensitive men should seek their spirituality in ways that work for them and that hold the promise of realizing their inherent potential as fully realized beings.
There are many more specific strategies for mitigating a sense of overstimulation as a highly sensitive man. There are many ways to reframe how we see ourselves apart from culturally mediocre and outlandish caricatures of masculinity. There are even ways of learning to ignore much of the insanity and uproar coming from a world in upheaval and tumult. Learning to balance what it means to be highly sensitive with the practical realties of daily life in the 21st century requires that we seek a high degree of self-awareness and that we have in place effective strategies that will make our lives more satisfying, more rewarding, and increase our future thrivability.
None of this is to sugarcoat what it means to be alive in this moment and experiencing the events that daily confront our senses and sensibilities but it is to say that we must tend to the basics that will allow us to find a balanced way of being that is sustainable throughout our lives. The topic of mental health is a complex one and one that I can only hint at in this brief post, but highly sensitive men are complex beings with deep, rich, emotional worlds replete with meaning and possibility. Being mentally healthy does not imply that we focus entirely on the positive and somehow block out all negativity; instead, it means we understand the value and lessons that negativity and liminal spaces have to teach us and take life in all completeness and wholeness.
Henry David Thoreau said, “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” What it means to each of us to “have lived” may be very different but to many highly sensitive men it is exactly the search for some essential, elementary truth or realization that fuels them to step into each new day with a sense of curiosity, wonder, and awe.
Where does your sense of curiosity, wonder, and awe take you? How do you honor it as a person who is alive in this moment?
Tracy Cooper, Ph.D. is an active researcher, author, and educator. Dr. Cooper is the Program Chairman for Baker University’s Master of Liberal Arts degree.
Books:
Empowering the Sensitive Male Soul
Thrive: The Highly Sensitive Person and Career
Thrill: The High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person
Links:
FaceBook @tracycooperphd
Website: Drtracycooper.wordpress.com